The two most critical factors for success

The future dictates the present – focus.
Actions speak (produce) louder (more) than words – where we put our efforts is what we get.

1. Write those two statements on the board for your next staff meeting.
2. Allow the first few minutes to be spent in silence while each individual evaluates his/her program,    and the program of the organization against those two statements.
3. Spend a few minutes of open discussion regarding the group’s observations.
4. Schedule a meeting in the near future to further examine and/or develop focus and effort alignment.

Focus is critical. If our focus is to be in Salt Lake City, we make that determination and then choose the roads that will get us there. If we do not have a focus, we merely wander.

We get what we put our efforts on. Generally, the weakest evaluation of our direction, is what we say – what we profess – talk is cheap. How we allocate our  money and time paints a more accurate picture of our real direction.

Where is your focus? Is it really where you want to be and what you want to achieve? Where is the focus of your organization? Are your goals and your efforts in line with your focus? Would an outside evaluator conclude that you are moving toward your focus?

Bleeding finger communication

Sometimes our communication has dramatic affect, even though it might be ineffective. The bleeding finger is an excellent example.

Steve, my cousin, and I started first grade together. At the end of each school day, we walked home together. One day as school dismissed, I noticed a scratch on my pointer finger – it had a little blood on it. As Steve came out of his class, I raised my pointer finger and said, “look, Steve, blood!” I was not prepared for Steve’s reaction.

Steve begin to cry. He then ran down the hall and out the door. I followed. When I got outside I could see Steve at the crossing. The crossing guard was examining Steve’s head. By the time I got to  the crossing, Steve had already started for home. I hurried after.

When I arrived at Steve’s home, I went in and found his mother examining Steve’s head. Steve was still crying. What had happened? As you have probably already surmised, Steve thought I was pointing to his head when I said blood. He thought his head was bleeding.

How good was my communication to Steve? Was it effective communication?

Steve’s reaction probably would not have been any greater had he actually had a bleeding head. But, he did not have a bleeding head. Although the communication was impacting, it was not the message I was trying to convey. It was pretty ineffective communication.

What can we learn?

First, remember that effective communication is measured by how well the message sent is the one received. Regardless of the method used – visuals, pictures, diagrams, examples, looks, expressions, written content, etc. – the only valid evaluation of communication is the fidelity of the message sent to the message received.

Second, be aware of how easy it is to be misunderstood, and do everything possible to ensure the message you send is clear. For example, if I would have just said to Steve, “Look Steve, I have a cut,” the misunderstanding would not have happened.

[This story and many similar discussion are found in The Wrong Bottom Line and How to Change It

The invisible man

Perception is very important in successful conflict resolution. That brings up the story of my invisible experience.

There was a topic of high interest in the community. A forum was set to discuss it. Since I had considerable experience with the topic, I was asked to represent one side of the issue. I spent time thinking through the concern, doing a little extra research, and developing a list of questions and appropriate answers. I was ready – or so I thought.

The night came. I was first up and made a short presentation. However, as I was doing so, I noticed a very strange thing. Although their eyes were opened, it appeared that everyone was asleep. Throughout my presentation, it was as if I were invisible. No one questioned my presentation. No one asked for further information. No one even argued with my position.

When the individual representing the other side began, it was as if someone had snapped their fingers and awakened the crowd. It was not because he was a local; he was an outsider. I was the local. Was it because he was so much more dynamic or made a better presentation?

According to the leader who apologized to me after, this crowd had already made up their minds and had brought this outside individual into the community merely to sell their idea. Had I been aware, I would have operated differently.

Dealing effectively with conflict requires an understanding of the perspective of others involved. You  need to know who you are dealing with and what they think.

Here are some suggestions for success:
    First, do as much research on the group as possible.
    Second, at the meeting, start by getting their input – what do they think, what are the issues as they see them?
    Third, do this from a sit-down-with-them approach – don’t be the sage on the stage.

Had I known, I would have had a totally different approach. I would have put away my graphics and dumped my speech. I would have insisted that the other side be first. Then, I would have sat down on a table and started asking them questions. I may not have changed everyone’s mind. However, I would have stimulated some thought and lead them into a better examination of the issue. At the very least, I would not have been invisible.

The Roy and Mark sock story – it is how you look at it

Perspective plays a part in solving and creating conflict. I have a son named Mark. As Mark grew, he wore the same size sock as I did. He also wore the same kind of white socks. This created a problem of identification – a small conflict – whose socks were whose. We had a solution that turned out to create a little humor.

The solution was to put an M on Mark’s socks and an R on my socks – simple and effective. However, occasionally, an R sock would be found on Mark or an M sock on me. One day, a visitor noted Mark padding around in a pair of socks with two different letters. He scratched his head and said, “I don’t quite understand. You have one foot labeled right and the other labeled wrong.” Obviously, from his view, the socks appeared to be labeled R and W.

It is all related to perspective. Like the man who was reported to have been  fired from the M & M plant because he kept throwing away all those candies marked with a “W.”

That brings up some important rules in conflict resolution as related to perspective.

1. Some ways of solving conflict may contribute to confusion or new conflicts (R and M – or is it a W sock?).

2. Everyone has a perspective of the issue that is often governed by his/her position.

3. Those perspectives may be very similar, partially the same, or even opposite.

4. Each of us tends to believe our perspective is the perspective..

5. Each of us operate from our perspective.

To be a successful negotiator or conflict resolver, it is important to understand the impact of perspective. It is also important to learn to be open, accepting, understanding, and even encouraging of the perspective of others.


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From communication to negotiation - dealing with conflict

We have been talking communication for several articles. Let us switch to another topic – conflict.

Although sometimes not recognized as such, we all live in conflict. It may be as small as a difference of opinion at home or a disagreement at the office, and as significant as war. It may be a father who is trying to provide adequate finances for his family, but cannot find a job. Workers who want better wages or benefits, but find their employer unwilling. Employers who would grant employees better wages and benefits, but can’t find the revenue. Conflict is often found in team members who have the same goals, but different opinions on how to reach those goals. Since differences – conflicts – are found everywhere, how do we deal with them?

First, it is important that we realize the positive and the negative sides of conflict. Individuals caught in conflict often have the opinion that whatever it takes, it would be wonderful to be rid of the distraction. They believe that without conflicting situations, things would run smoothly and progress faster. In fact, that is true. If everyone thinks the same way, things do move faster and usually smoother. However, there should be other considerations.

While smoothness and speed have their place, many differences don’t respond to quick fixes; fixes can be efficient but at the same time not necessarily effective.

Secondly, in many situations, without conflict, little progress is made. The conflict created by the increase in gasoline prices provided the pressure for more efficient vehicle engines. The conflict between two teams on the football field results in an exciting experience for many.

The critical point in the many conflicts we encounter is how we deal with them.

In the old west, the six-gun was a popular way to settle conflict. It was efficient, but not very productive. L. Randolph Lowry, past Director of the Institute for Dispute Resolution at Pepperdine University relates an amusing conflict-settling approach.

Randy was driving in Boston. He relates that a couple of drivers in nearby cars were obviously upset with each other. They were making hand gestures and shouting at each other. The cars proceeded until they reached a red light. The drivers got out of their cars and started beating on each other. The light turned green. They got back in their cars and drove away. Mr. Lowry noted that he really could not argue with the efficiency of that mode of dealing with conflict – we have this disagreement, and we are going to pursue it until the light turns green, and then we are out of here. A very efficient system. However, its application is limited.

Next week: ways of dealing with conflict.

Foster Cline's "Laughing In The Middle Of The Night

At 3:00 in the morning, old folks stir. Hermie gets up to take her Airbourne to stave off any possible chest cold, and I’m up to download some coffee in the middle of the night ‘cause that just what old guys do.

So, crawling back into bed, Hermie, asking about my coming to bed after she had turned in: “Honey, what time did you finally turn in last night?”

“About 12:00”

With slight reproach, she notes, “You probably watched a movie.”

“Yeah, I watched an old Star Trek movie.”

“What was it?”

Admitting it wasn’t necessarily worth a two hours out of my life, I admit, “It was about a ‘B’”

“About a bee?” she inquires.

“Yeah, about a ‘B’, I respond.

To me, she was showing surprising interest in a scifi flick and she asks, “Tell me about it!”

“Well,” I answer, it was about a possible clone of Captain Picard, and the clone’s threat to the Federation.”

“And it was about a bee?” My gosh, I think, she really is interested!

“Yeah, about a B”.

Surprisingly, she wants to know still more about a Star Trek movie of all things: “Well, tell me about it!”

I answer, surprised, “You want to know more!?”

Well, okay, “The clone was working with the Romulans, but they turned on the clone, so it all worked out and the Federation was saved.”

“But where does the bee come in?”

“Honey, it was an okay movie but it just wasn’t that great.”

“Yeah, but I still want to know about the bee.”

“Well, the special effects were okay, but the acting and story line….. I don’t know… It was just dated.”

With a little frustration, out of no-where, it seems to me, she says, “Just tell me about the buzzy bee.”

And all of a sudden the light of mutual misunderstanding dawns on us both, and we laugh and laugh.

Hermie says, “You ought to put this in the monthly contest about miscommunication.” And we fall back to sleep.

Communicating - understanding the culture

Ever hear anything like this?

Working with BNT is no picnic and I smell a rat. They always want an arm and a leg, and Joe, the lead man, always has a chip on his shoulder even though he is all bark and no bite. Sometimes, I think they need a taste of their own medicine, but there is no sense in beating a dead horse. Working out a deal will be no piece of cake, but it should be profitable.  I guess we shouldn’t count our chickens before they hatch.

In today’s world market, language differences are a common occurrence. Merely speaking another language does not ensure effective communication. According to David Boyd who teaches Mandarin Chinese at the United States Air Force Academy, it is critically important to understand the culture as well as the language. Professor Boyd spent two years in China, living, speaking, writing, reading, and studying Chinese history.

Obviously, we can’t all spend extensive time living in different sections of the country and of the world in order to communicate more effectively. However, there are some things that will help.

First, be sure that the message you send is plain and accurate. Say what you mean and don’t confuse it with idioms. It is always good to have someone review a hard copy of important communiques. If your administrative assistant doesn’t understand, chances are, others may have a problem.

Second, check for understanding. Don’t ask:” does everyone understand?” Do facilitate a short discussion regarding the issue.

Finally, if you are the recipient of communication that seems to be confusing, ask for clarification.

And, by the way, English is not the only language with idioms. Be aware, and beware. So, in dealing with this area, my only comment is: break a leg.