Whenever you think you are arguing with a fool, consider the possibility that your opponent may be engaged in a similar activity.
From time to time, everyone has the opportunity of dealing with angry – upset – people. It can be with customers, employees, employers, or even adults and children in your home. It doesn’t matter whether it is a three-year-old or the CEO, the rules for success are the same.
Rule 1: Start with yourself.
Make sure you are not contributing to the problem by being angry yourself. Take a deep breath and intellectually and emotionally “stand back,” and look at yourself as objectively as possible. If this is an ongoing occurrence, ask an associate or an unaffected observer to evaluate how you operate.
Rule 2: Allow the anger – in the other person. A disgruntled employee, customer, teenager, or little child is upset. The best thing you can do is let them vent – even if you know they are completely wrong. The worst thing you can do is try to cut them off. After they have let off the steam, they are more ready for suggestions and solutions.
Rule 3: Listen - but not looking for a response. Don’t cut in. Don’t inject comments; just listen. You will gain some understanding, and sometimes, the upset person will get around to providing solutions.
Rule 4: Clarify. After the individual is done venting, attempt to playback the main points you heard. Do ask for clarification as needed – do so in a respectful manner.
Rule 5: Respond appropriately. “You forgot to plug it in, you stupid jerk!” is not an appropriate response.
Rule 6: Don’t argue.
It is surprising the number of people who think they win arguments. “Winning” an argument doesn’t happen for the participants. No one wins an argument. If you walk away from an argument with a smug feeling because you “won” that one, look again. Arguments are lose, lose situations; no one wins. Sometimes they think they do. You may have the last word. Your opponent may be visibly shaken. However, it may have nothing to do with a change of thinking, only that the individual is worn down, has given up, or decides the whole thing is a waste of time.
I have observed many lose – lose situations. You can read some for nothing. Just go to Amazon, type in “The Wrong Bottom Line and How to Change It,” do the “Look Inside” p. 23, or click this link: http://tinyurl.com/7x5xsvt, in the index, click "Think Ahead." The incidents noted there are absurd. They are also common. These are normally intelligent people who, in the heat of battle, make no sense, and think they have won when they have really lost.
Don’t argue; you will win nothing and can lose much.
Skillfully working with angry people can be very rewarding both personally and for the institution.
From time to time, everyone has the opportunity of dealing with angry – upset – people. It can be with customers, employees, employers, or even adults and children in your home. It doesn’t matter whether it is a three-year-old or the CEO, the rules for success are the same.
Rule 1: Start with yourself.
Make sure you are not contributing to the problem by being angry yourself. Take a deep breath and intellectually and emotionally “stand back,” and look at yourself as objectively as possible. If this is an ongoing occurrence, ask an associate or an unaffected observer to evaluate how you operate.
Rule 2: Allow the anger – in the other person. A disgruntled employee, customer, teenager, or little child is upset. The best thing you can do is let them vent – even if you know they are completely wrong. The worst thing you can do is try to cut them off. After they have let off the steam, they are more ready for suggestions and solutions.
Rule 3: Listen - but not looking for a response. Don’t cut in. Don’t inject comments; just listen. You will gain some understanding, and sometimes, the upset person will get around to providing solutions.
Rule 4: Clarify. After the individual is done venting, attempt to playback the main points you heard. Do ask for clarification as needed – do so in a respectful manner.
Rule 5: Respond appropriately. “You forgot to plug it in, you stupid jerk!” is not an appropriate response.
Rule 6: Don’t argue.
It is surprising the number of people who think they win arguments. “Winning” an argument doesn’t happen for the participants. No one wins an argument. If you walk away from an argument with a smug feeling because you “won” that one, look again. Arguments are lose, lose situations; no one wins. Sometimes they think they do. You may have the last word. Your opponent may be visibly shaken. However, it may have nothing to do with a change of thinking, only that the individual is worn down, has given up, or decides the whole thing is a waste of time.
I have observed many lose – lose situations. You can read some for nothing. Just go to Amazon, type in “The Wrong Bottom Line and How to Change It,” do the “Look Inside” p. 23, or click this link: http://tinyurl.com/7x5xsvt, in the index, click "Think Ahead." The incidents noted there are absurd. They are also common. These are normally intelligent people who, in the heat of battle, make no sense, and think they have won when they have really lost.
Don’t argue; you will win nothing and can lose much.
Skillfully working with angry people can be very rewarding both personally and for the institution.
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